Suite 200

Be prepared to have a laugh. And to pass judgement.

I would be the first to tell you that I don't like shallow people. I despise those who flaunt their apparent lack of depth through excessive devotion to their appearance. We all know her, that girl who seems perpetually fit, put-together and obsessed with the latest fashion trends; I have never been that girl. I never had a desire to be that girl...until now.

What, you say? I, being a professed dispondent of shallow and good-looking people, want to join their perfectly coiffed and size 2 ranks? YES!

My friend Denise and I were walking down Larimer Street in downtown Denver when we came across a happenin' scene, Suite 200 Night Club. The bouncers perched in front of the door were elegantly dressed in pinstripe suits and shiny satin cravats--a strange sight for a Denver club--and were surprisingly engaging to people passing by. Denise struck up a conversation with on of them, much to my chagrin. The bouncer explained that Suite 200 was a "Vegas style" club with dress code and high standards for their guests (which I instinctively read as "skinny chicks only"). Denise joked that her and I should go inside, even though we were not up to "code" in our jeans and motorcycle gear. All the while, slim, busty women in 5" stilettos and slinky dresses slipped past us to gain admittance. A few of them gave me an over-the-shoulder once-over and smirked at the notion that I would dare try to enter their club. I objected firmly until we were on our way again.

A pseudo-argument arose between Denise and myself, about whether or not girls "like us" should go to clubs like Suite 200. I argued that we would be ridiculed for not "fitting in" with the common clubbing crowd. "After all," I said, "people go to clubs for only a few reasons, none in which I would be interested. I am married, conservative and overweight--a deadly combination when it comes to having a night life." Denise insisted that we could club for the experience and to show those people that we are just as interesting and fun. I said I would not bother because I am not a size 2.

That was when Denise proposed the plan that would consume my life for the remainder of 2009. Why not lose the weight, get dressed to the nines and go to Suite 200, just to show up those amazons who look down their noses at us?

Thus was born the "Suite 200 Diet" which I am now following religiously. Stay posted for updates on the journey : )