Confessions of a Dining Queen

I always promised myself that I would get fit by the time I turned 20. I have been 20 for 17 days and I'm still, well, flabby (for lack of a better term.) I'm not exactly sure why I lack so much motivation. Maybe it's like that for others too. Inside, I really do want to be in shape. I mean, who doesn't want to look like Megan Fox? But then when I get down to the moment of truth, I quit. Sometimes I feel like I just can't, or more probably, won't. I don't know what that motivation is, but I need to find it. And today I’m challenging myself. Again. Yes, I know. But what I have come to is a realization. It is the realization that my own issues concerning my less-than thin silhouette do not actually begin with a need to be physically healthy. It is self image, ladies and gentlemen. The question I have encountered is exactly why am I this way in the first place? It is quite a vicious cycle. You succumb to not eating healthy, so therefore you gain a few pounds. You feel bad about gaining a few pounds and therefore eat even more to satiate your emotions. You, of course, don’t exercise either. Now, you really feel awful so the others around you suffer not because there is something wrong with them but because you feel that there is something wrong with you. Now, your relationships are suffering and it is your own fault. I have failed time and time again to lose my few extra pounds and every time I summed up my failure as a simple lack of motivation. But what is holding me back, and maybe some of you too, is an internal battle that we are sometimes not even aware of. So, yes, this is a journey of losing weight, but more importantly it is a journey of self-discovery. I want to discover how to love myself, and therefore, love others. I want to, once and for all, conquer the only thing that is holding me back, myself.