The Hot Wife
Thursday, September 23, 2010 at 6:15 PM filed under Weight Loss postings
In 2006 I was sitting in my living room, reading a magazine, when my husband walked in, sat down, and told me he was leaving.
I was ill prepared for such an announcement. I was even LESS prepared for his laundry list of reasons, which included the thoughtful and oh so sensitive "Plus, you're fat, and I deserve a hot wife."
Which, you know, awesome. And also? Telling an emotional eater that you're leaving her is because she's fat is slightly -- just a little bit -- counterproductive in much the same way that the ocean is tiny -- just a little bit -- damp.
What I'm trying to say is that going through my divorce proved to me that I could get fatter. Again, so awesome. Thirty two! Divorcing! Fat!
Until I had to go to court for my final hearing, and I trundled into Lane Bryant because I didn't have anything to wear and I thought that, since the nightmare was ending, maybe I deserved to look kind of cute. Maybe a dress that wasn't shaped like a sack. Or pants that didn't make me look, you know, saggy.
The associate who helped me was a glamourpuss the way I remembered myself once being a glamourpuss, before I became the not hot wife. Fun. Funky. She had style. She had junk in her trunk and she wore sassy trousers that showed it off. She asked me what I was looking for and, Bless her Heart, I TOLD her.
"I will FIX you up" she said.
The next thing I knew, I had on brown wide legged pants that FIT. I had on a cream coloured blouse shot through with gold embroidery. I had a new earrings. She stood me in front of a mirror and announced: "You. Are. The. Hot. EX Wife."
The girl in the mirror was still fat, it was true. But she was more than fat. She was curvy and beautiful and ALIVE. She had sparkling eyes and creamy skin and red hair. She looked like she had the world on a string -- and like she not only knew it, but she knew that she deserved it.
That was the day I stopped being fat and started being Phat. It was also the day I began losing weight, almost unintentionally.
Since then, I have lost 50 pounds.
I'd like to lose 30 more.
Feel free to hang out on the way, won't you?
