A friend who I love very much -- a woman who has always been fit, vibrant, and healthy -- is dying of breast cancer.
Part of me revolts at that very statement and wants to rewrite it in a more positive way, that she is living with cancer and not dying of it, but we've moved through living with cancer and fighting cancer and now, she is dying in the most graceful, dignified way I have ever witnessed.
It makes me think, though. It makes me realize that my problems, while still problems, are very little problems. It also makes me realize that I take my body -- my mostly healthy body -- for granted. It makes me feel incredibly bad about the fact that I don't move this (mostly) healthy body more. That I don't use the tremendous capacity my heart has -- either physically (Walk! Dance! Jump!) or, to be honest, emotionally (Love! Laugh! Give!). That I allow my weight to become a health problem when it's so obviously something that I can combat in the way my beloved friend would LOVE to be able to combat her cancer.
Yesterday I had a difficult, stressful day, and I wanted -- really wanted -- to deal with it the way I have normally dealt with emotionally draining days: by eating. But then I thought of my friend, and I thought: this is not who I want to be. If she is an amazing warrior, then surely I can muster a little bit of courage right now and walk away from this open refrigerator.
October, you know, is breast cancer awareness month. However, if you've lost someone to ANY kind of cancer, or if you're losing someone to cancer a little bit, every day, then you already know that every day is cancer awareness day. I'm a girl who likes pink. A LOT. And in honour of my friend and her continued bravery and grace, here's what I'm going to do: when it seems hard, when I want to give up on my body and myself? I'm going to wear pink to remind myself that bailing on the fight is NOT an option. I'm not giving up on myself -- and I hope that we all remember, every day, not to give up on finding a cure for cancer.
When in doubt? Wear pink.
