Thinspiration wannabe

Well I've been in my weight group for like 4 wks, and the first 3  lost and last wk I gained.  I just can't find the motivation to get back into it.  I want to be thin..... I want to be attractive again.  I feel as if my husband won' touch nor look at me due to my disgusting features.  I guess having kids don't help, but I can't use that as an excuse.  I've let myself get this way... only I can fix it!!  and trust me, I need to fix it.  Blah... we'll see how this works out for me.  I just need to stop eating this shitty junk that I do!!!