I Believe In Me

I am a 42 yr old woman..., as of tomorrow that is because it will be my birthday =) I am 5ft 2in. my starting weight on August 19th was 200lbs and now on October 28th I am down to 165lbs.I have a goal of 120lbs but not set in stone as weight is just a # and I do know I can carry 140lbs well...though I would still with my height be concidered over weight.I at this point in my life don't feel the need to find perfection like I have in my younger years,however I do strive to be the best that I can be for me.A little about myself: I am a mom to 6,and though I would like to use several pregnancies as a great excuse for my heavier weight,I can't because honestly I weighed 108lbs after 4 of the 6 children so no issues with being able to lose weight for me after children.My thing is I am a food addict,I have realized my triggers of what makes me want to binge and that is stress,which who doesn't have stress of some sort in their life..it's something hard to avoid.Another thing that triggers a binge is boredom,happiness.My binges can consist of hitting 3 different drive thrus,one maybe tacos,another burgers,then possibly coneys too.I would then go home with my food from 3 different places and eat not just some but all.Afterwards washing it all down with sugary pop then lots of candy for dessert,if not candy it may be doughnuts,icecream and or even cake.I didn't just eat like this once in awhile I ate like this often and if I didn't go out to eat I just ate this way at home well because nobody likes my cookin as much as I like my cookin.I am someone who has been dieting off and on for 23yrs.I have lost and gained several pounds in my life...thus being a yo-yo one who dieted myself FAT.If only I could've been happy with myself at 130lbs I do believe I may have been able to maintain and not became so obsessed with food becoming a food addict.Anyways this time is so much different than any other time for me of once and for all getting rid of this excess weight for good.I didn't set out to lose weight at 1st no this time I had my heart broken and out of pure saddness I could not eat because I felt physically ill...so if I were to eat I do know with out 1 doubt I would've vomitted for sure.I felt empty emotionally so I needed to feel that same emptiness physically as well.After 4 days of not eating and losing 8lbs,though it wasn't noticable I felt so much better with myself...yes still very sad but knowing I had to eat I decided at that point to take this weight off once and for all...why not do something positive with this saddness.My changes I have made from that point on til now is: I drink diet pop because I want flavor,water,green tea,no reg. pop unless I go out to eat which is rarely.I don't eat after 7pm unless I really am very hungry for real then I will have 1 or 2 sugar free jellos(10cal.),I eat less of whatever I want,no restrictions with food well because I love food and will not deprive myself of my favorites or whatever it is I want,however my favorites I tend to go overboard with so I am really trying to keep them to once or twice a month.I do not drink alcohol often but if I want a regular beer not light I have it even if its more than 1.I figure tomorrow is a new day and I will not forget to start fresh,I am not going to feel guilty anymore ever again for living my life.the saying "I will eat to live not live to eat" is one I take very seriously now.I am proud to finally say I am not a dieter I am a restrained eater.Remember diets end but living doesn't.We can either chose to live healthier or not its our choice.Another very important thing that I am doing is listening to hypnosis cds.Some may not believe that these would work but  I listen each and every night for sure and sometimes in the daytime.One of the things it says on the cd repeatedly is: I am the winner of a magnificent makeover,I am giving myself a magnificent makeover.These words run thru my head at the moment I awake and throughout the day too,every single day.You have to believe in yourself and you have to envision where in reality you will be.Never have doubt in your success,most importantly you have to love who you are right now no matter the numbers on the scale,get your sexy back NOW.Ahem...as for exercise,I do know I need to incorporate it in to my life.I have been walking which I love to do,however don't love it in the winter,I have a gazelle which I have used every now and again,I also have shake a weight which I would definitely recommend,by summer my arms are going to be smokin lol.Anyways...no I don't exercise every day so I will be working on this part more for sure,but I do know I am going to be the best I wanna be because I know I can!!!