The Obesity Chronicles

It's been 9 days and I've lost 5 pounds.

And I hate it.

I hate counting. I hate numbers. I hate that my weight loss attempts (and failures) all boil down to simple meaningless numbers.

Except they're not so meaningless are they?

Numbers have such incredible power over us.

I don't want to be a slave to the scale, I don't want to count calories, I don't want to measure my fat grams...I just want to live!!! Because that's about all we can do - we can live our lives to the very best of our ability in the moments we have right in front of us.

But how can we do that if we're constantly worried about numbers?

How can we celebrate a loss when it's only 1 pound? 1 pound is HUGE! It's 3,500 calories. It's a block of butter. It's a BIG deal.

But when we step on the scale and all we see is one pound....well, suddenly that big deal is a one-way ticket to derailment.

I know losing even just one pound is one pound closer to my goal. I know that one pound means one less pound I have to carry around with me. I know that one pound is a very big deal.

So why doesn't it feel that way?

Why do I feel as though I should wake up after one week of healthy eating and exercise to a Biggest Loser number? Why do I wish, pray and hope my excess weight will be auto-magically gone?

I feel better. I walk taller. I have more energy after 9 days. And I've lost 5 pounds. I know it won't continue at this rate and I know at some point I'm going to have to step on the scale again. I want to do it weekly - just to track my progress - but I know those numbers have the ability to determine how I will feel about myself.

And so maybe - just maybe - I'm going to wait a few weeks before stepping on that scale again.....or maybe I just need to keep reminding myself that a number does not define who I am, what I'm working toward, or how I feel.

And maybe one day I won't hate numbers anymore!!!!