Fresh Start to a New Life

So I am doing what I feel is really good on this diet/weight loss journey. However, now I find myself capping off at 450 calories when i am allowed 1340-1440. I try to eat, but then I start to feel guilty and just tell myself I am not hungry. Yesterday all I ate was a bagel at breakfast, and just drank water all day. We tried to go out for dinner last night and at first I was going to order a chicken sandwhich then my boyfriend was complaining because it was $8.00 then I asked for a side salad, then took off the salad with no dressing and asked for a small cup of chicken and wild rice soup. They brought the soup and I took one taste and told them I didnt like it so they would take it away. I feel like I am so scared to eat. I really want to lose this weight it feels like its all I can think about. I was going down to the cafe at work and this larger woman got off the elevator with me and and all I kept thinking is I wonder if I look like that, if my arms go out to the side because of my weight. I feel so shallow and low, I am not like this at all I dont care what people look like but I feel consumed with what I look like. I feel addicted to the diet and the exercise, however last night I was not able to do the treadmill it got to late and as we live on the 2nd floor it is a little loud for the people downstairs and felt 11pm was too late. Feel so lost right now, tried eating this morn and now all I want to do is get sick, dont know any more, just dont know.