In search of a goal

I can justify almost anything to myself. Today, I proved it as, on day ONE of my newly formed "motivated to look hot at a wedding full of people I don't know" diet I caved and ate an ice cream cone. I then proceeded to tell myself it was ok. The is the battle I've been waging internally for years now often goes somethign like this
 --"NO N you should NOT eat that ice cream, it will go straight to your hips."
--"Yes, but I just ran 20 feet to my car in the rain surely I burned off enough calories to eat this ice cream."
--"Oh, very good point. Proceed."

I know this is ridiculous. I sometimes feel like an old cartoon with the devil and angel on my shoulder. I LITERALLY can hear the voice of reason battling with my lack of will power daily. I also know that my reasons I cheat are usually ridiculous themselves. Here's my reasoning for caving today:

 I picked up my child from summer camp today and asked the usual "How was camp today." Today, the answer was not one I liked. "I don't want to talk about it." Clearly my child had a bad day and clearly he needed to talk about it. After a little coaxing I got him to reveal that some kids laughed at him when he got upset about a girl at camp calling him 'hot" (I'm shocked that at 9 girls talk like this!).  I hate how mean kids can be, especially when the target is my son. This immediately set my emotions into overdrive and I got into protective Mama bear mode. An hour after our conversation we had just finished dinner and my son looked at me and said "can I have dessert?" How can I say no when he's had such a terrible day? Unfortunately we had nothing in the house that was suitably "dessert." I told him this. What was my sons response? "Ok, I guess I'll just have a piece of fruit or something.' WHAT?!? Who's kid is this? Clearly he's not my kid....but here's the kicker: What did I do? I said 'Just wait a minute, I'll figure something out." Immediately, Friendly's ice cream popped into my head. What kid wouldn't want an ice cream cone after a hard day at camp. So, off we went, my two boys, my boyfriend and I  headed to Friendlys. Its as if I needed to bring them all down with me. But it really was OK that I was having ice cream, afterall we walked like a half mile to get there. This is the kind of thought process I desperately need to change if I'm ever going to lose any weight. I'm sabotaging myself, and not only that, what kind of example am I setting for my children. "No, no son, put down the fruit. Let's have ice cream."

I feel guilty now. I wish I didn't eat the ice cream cone. I wish that my first day (that actually went pretty well) didn't end so terribly. I wish I hadn't given myself over to the peanut-buttery, chocolately goodness that is Hunka Chunka peanut butter fudge.....nothing good can come out of something with "Chunka" in it's name.

Day 1 was a total fail. I guess it's back to the starting line for day 2.
263 days to go......