So, by the end of this post you will all realize the sarcasm attached to the title of this blog. I had the unfortunate luck to be born to a woman who was 4 foot 11 and weighed 103 lbs while pregnant "with both you and your brother", whose nickname also happened to be twiggy. I cannot remember a time when my mother did not exercise or limit her food intake.
From the time I can remember she always told me that I was fat and that I shouldn't too much-which translated into never and only if it was healthy. She monitored my food intake like a hawk because according to her, I resembled my fathers side of the family with their full, curvy bodies.
The earliest signs of my battle with food begin simple enough. I was always so hungry that during naptime I would sneak into the kitchen and eat whatever I could, in secret. My mother could not understand why I was still so "fat" and restricted my diet even more, which caused me to eat in secret even more.
When I reached adolescence my body begin to devleop. My mother is a proud 32A, I unfortunatley am not, my breast reached a whopping 38dd and I was again reminded that I had the perverse and flawed genes of my father. At this time my mother enrolled me in the Diet Center, and I now believe that my hornmone levels simply found a happy medium but she swears it was the diet, my weight came down. But it was still not enough.
I was so confused and was still eating in secret, I nvere ate in front of strangers and the only time I ate with friends was if it was a salad. Freshman year of high school I started not eating. I would eat only a bagel for breakfast and nothing for the rest of the day. My mother never seemed to notice that I wasn't eating and even though I was visibly losing weight she still hinted that I was too big. It wasn't until senior year when I was a size two..Ok to put this in perspective I have an hourglass figure, and a medium build, there is no way that I should ever be a size two based on my frame and height, that she said I looked good and wasn't I happy she insisited on my dieting and excersizing.
It wasnt until recently, when I hit my thrities and starving myself and excersizing for hours a day did not help me lose that weight that I had to face my food demons. You, see, I have gone through some great emotional stress the past couple of years and realized that I had turned to food, but I also do something with food that may or may not be unique. I will buy something, a snack-chips, ice cream, candy-and I will eat all of it, in private, so that no one will know that I consumed junk, because I am still that little girl who had everything that went into her mouth scrutinized and was punished for eating.
