In search of a goal

Dear Body,
I feel terrible. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I've realized that I have been a horrible friend. I can understand why you are so angry with me. I haven't been fair to you, and I've been completely selfish. For this I'm sorry.

We've been friends for a long time. More than thirty years. We've really had so many great memories, it doesn't seem right for us to fight like this. I have so much in my life to thank you for....but  lately I seem to have forgotten that. It's been a rough few years and I've taken my emotional drama out on you. I shouldn't have burdened you with my baggage, it's not fair, but thank you for sticking by me. You have every right to have given up on me and I'm so grateful that you haven't.

I know I haven't been a good friend and there's so many things that I'm sorry about. I'm sorry for constantly belittling you. What kind of friend does that? Who cares what you look like compared to that other girl, or even to when we were in high school?!?! We're all different, and we've grown up since high school...I just miss the good old days that's all. I miss when you and I were partners in crime. Remember that time when we were standing in the lunch line and Nick B. came over and told you you had a nice ass? Haha, I was so proud of you that day! Nothing like a little ego boost from a cute upper classman huh? You can get there again girl, and I'll help you. I should have been helping you all along!

I'm sorry that for the past few years I've talked you out of running and convinced you to eat bags of M&M's. It's as if I was sabotaging you, and I realize that. I'll admit, perhaps I was a little jealous of all the attention you used to get!! I didn't realize that my catty little games were making you feel so horrible though.

I truly do have so much to thank you for:
Remember when we were kids and we'd go for a dip in the swift river? How cold the water was? It was like instant Hypothermia, but so invigorating!!

How about that time we ran our first ever Cross Country meet! You really did it girl! I pushed you a little too hard that day, but we learned...and how great was it to see my brother on the side line cheering us on? I think that was the first time that I've ever felt he was proud of me, and I have you to thank for that.

Or what about that time we hiked Mount Dessert Island. If it wasn't for you I would never have gotten to see that beautiful sight!

Most of all, thank you for my boys. If it wasn't for you, they wouldn't be here. You worked so hard for them and I'm forever grateful....now I'm going to cry.

I truly have been a shitty friend,and I'm sorry. I promise I'm going to try harder. No more comparing you to others. No more wishing that you looked a little cooler. No more sabotaging your sex life. From here on out I'm going to try my hardest to encourage you to be the best you can be. I'm going to be the supportive friend that you've been to me all along. I want to be friends for life. I don't want to keep fighting this way. I can't promise I'll be perfect...but I'm going to try. I hope that we can move on. I miss our friendship.
Your Pal,
N