My Journey back to the me I knew

My last entry. As one can imagine since my last entry I haven't too great. No exercise and I went on a pop frenzy for a few days drinking 2-3 12 oz cans a day.

I think a huge light came on for me as I was settling in for the night last night....I think I've let myself get to where I am and it's so hard to change because I'm angry at myself and punishing myself. Why? Because I'm not happy and I know why, but yet I'm not doing anything to change it. So, I don't know if it's even worth it to try and change things with myself physically at this point. I mean I KNOW it is (I am) worth it....but unless other things in my life change, then noting else will stick.

Now, why am I unhappy. Becuase I need to be single or at least to live alone. When I'm in a relationship especially one where I feel so much pressure to do SO MUCH at home and pressure to live (or not live) my life in certain ways. There is so much clutter there too that I can't think and there is no clean space to just be.

So, anyway....that's where I'm at right now.