Making changes

All my life I've been overweight, even at my lowest weight. Somehow after battling my way down 40 lbs I managed to gain it all back. Then on top of that I got pregnant and gained 50 more pounds. After having the baby I've only been able to lose 20 pounds, leaving me 30 pounds heavier than i was at the begining of my pregnancy. Now my dr wants me to lose the rest of my baby weight at least and my husband wants to have another baby. All I want is to get healthy and maybe to not feel like a cow. 

I have no clothes left that fit since having the baby. I've been picking up just a few pieces because I keep telling myself that I'm going to lose the weight and I don't want to waste money, but the truth is after 5 months the scale hasn't moved at all. I guess I can be thankful that I haven't gained anymore, but neither have I lost anything. Trying on clothes today was awful. I looked so fat and everything in my size looked like it was for an old lady. I guess it's because I went to a generic store that sells a little of everything but still. That trip was definitely enough to get morale down. 

I don't plan on starting on a diet plan until the middle of next week. I have to go out of town and I know that there is no way I'd be able to eat healthy. But I've worked out the first week of meals and I'm actually pretty excited about it. I'm hoping that my husband will help me and support me. 

I just want to look in the mirror and not be disgusted by what I see there. Here's to hoping that the changes work and stick.