Venting

When I was younger I had problems with my weight or at least i had people telling me that my weight was a problem..... Mind you I was like maybe a size 14 /16.  I have always binged but I was active so i could hide it.  I started not eating at all and drinking a limited amount of drinks.  I did this for awhile and lost so much weight, but I was starting to look ill.  I would take pills to make me sleep instead of eat and sometimes I would binge and then not eat the next couple of days.  It came to a point where my family memeber had to step in.  I was like I can't win because my family was the source of it all.  It's hard to wake up and go to sleep to someone making pig sounds and calling you fat, oh and even going to the extreme.....telling me I couldn't eat with the family because I was so fat and they didn't want to see me get bigger.  After I got over the whole not eating situation, I made up my mind that I would eat.  I am dependent on food because i was never allowed to speak out when I was upset or sad.  I learned to find comfort in food and honestly I guess i was looking for love and food had always comfort me and loved me back.   SO I BINGED AND BINGED!!! I felt like food turned it's back on me and stop loving me when the pounds flew on.  Now because of me binge eating I am obese at a very young age.  I wish I could take it back or have a redo on how I reacted to the root of the problem.  Now I sit and cry because I can't where this or that and instead of me not eating I eat and then cry about it.  Lately I been doing a little better but food is like my drug I guess, sad to say but it is.  I have started watching what I eat a little more and yes exercising.