Soooo I was proud of myself today because I walked for 2 consecutive hours, but then I had to go and ruin it by binge eating. =( I am so upset with myself because I wasn't even hungry, the food wasn't mine, and I've been overeating so badly the past month(?) that I was hoping I could gain some footing and start pushing back after my epic workout. And yes, I know it may seem like nothing to all you active fit people who probably work out like 8 hours every day or whatever, but this is honestly the most activity I've ever done in my life I'm pretty sure, so it may seem small, but it was a major accomplishment on my part.
Anyway, as I was saying, I can't seem to control myself anymore. Its gotten to the point where a totally innocent meal, like a 1/4 cup of oats and a super low calorie yogurt can turn into a vorocious feeding frenzy that only ends after I eat probably ten times the amount I should, and then I go to bed feeling fat, depressed, and hopeless. This cycle just keeps on repeating, no matter how hard I've tried to end it. I'm pretty sure I know where this problem origanates from, its a common cause of obesity in poverty stricken people, its when you are raised with the basic mentality that if you don't eat while you can, you could miss your chance and go hungry. I was raised on three strict meals a day, but then when I was about 9 or 10, my super strict parents started laxing their control over me and my 7 siblings. With this newfound freedom came the awful side effect that our mother stopped making us regular meals and left us to fend for ourselves when it came to food. So basically we would sneak downstairs at night, grab a bunch of food, and hide in our rooms and eat it. Because of this everyone in my family is overweight, me more so than the rest.
About a year ago, my mom went on a huge health kick and lost all her excess weight. This was a wake up call for me, because the subject of weight was something that I had never even thought about ( I didn't know what a calorie even was til about a year ago) and no one in our family ever talked about.
From there I've been on an up and down ( mostly down) excersion in an attempt to lose weight.
Bringing us back to my original point which is
I NEED TO STOP EATNG SO I DON'T GAIN BACK THE MINISCULE AMOUNT I MANAGED TO LOSE!!
So that's how my day's been, please feel free to offer advice. Please.
