"Oh how the mighty have fallen!" has been the idiom I have taken to using to describe myself lately.
My name is Emma, I am a 23 year old living in Northern Alberta. I moved up here this spring (2014) to start a new life. It has been a challenge, giving up everything I knew, all my friends, my means of exercise, and starting in a completely new location.
All my life I have been a tomboy. I played every sport imaginable, and played competitively at softball and soccer. My goal was to make the Canadian womens softball team and if I didn't stop playing, I would have made it. Team sports began to lose there appeal to me and I started getting more into horses and riding.
Between training in dressage on average 4 days a week plus farm chores and in general leading an active lifestyle, it was easy to stay in good shape. I was strong, fit, and had cardio.
When I moved, things changed. I no longer had my horse to competetively train with and while I joined a slowpitch team, it didn't have enough exercise to counteract the DQ my team had after almost every game.
6 months later I have lost so much of my fitness level it is destressing. I don't even want to try to do anything active because it just show cases how far I've let myself slip. My boyfriend is big into going to the gym and hiking so he tries to drag me along but it is so upsetting to struggle with the smallest of weights when I used to be able to do 30 pounds more within a year ago.
The gym itself is a place of anxiety for me, and I really struggle with even going inside. My limit is about half an hour to fourty minutes before I have to leave and if it's busy, I'm fighting back tears the entire time. It is a huge barrier to get past to be able to work out at all. I usually just do stuff outside but where I'm living in the 8 months of winter has average temperatures between -20 and -30 degrees. It has been known to drop below -40. Outside workouts aren't on the table currently.
I am in the worst shape of my life and I hate it. I am trying to find the motivation and the gumption to get off my butt, get over my fear, and get back into shape!
Any sort of encouragement is greatly appreciated while I battle myself into becoming a healthier me!
