My Journey

I'm on a long journey to finally be comfortable in my own body.  I'm not comfortable right now.  I isolate myself from other people because I don't feel I fit in.  I don't like that I always look around the area I'm in to see if I am the biggest person there.
I have 3 kids, still little, that I would like to do things with.  My biggeset goal is to be able to take them to a water park and feel comfortable wearing a bathing suit in public.  It doesn't have to be a bikini, just a regular bathing suit.  My hope is that I will be there by next summer.
For the past year I've tried to lose weight.  It would always come off, but only to the 5 pound mark.  Then I would get stressed out or emotional and turn to food again.  I need to figure out how to not be an emotional eater.  I have been dealing with major depression all my life.  I'm on medication for it, but most the time it was not enough.  I needed sweets to make me feel better.  But then I would end up feeling worse.  I noticed that I was also "crashing" after meals, especially breakfast.  This was horrible at work.  I would be so tired for 3-4 hours after eating a bagel or a scone.  I wasn't being effective at work because I was falling asleep.  So, off to the espresso machine I would go.  Now I have high blood pressure.
I started changing my eating habits around August 24th.  I discovered that if I refrained from sweets that I wasn't getting as depressed.  In fact, I only felt depressed for a couple of hours a week as opposed to more than half the week.  I'll take that!  I starting eating just fruit for breakfast and found that I wasn't tired anymore in the morning.  I'm down to just one cup of coffee.  I'm still trying to cut back.  My next thought on the coffee is to cut down from the 16oz to the 12oz cup.  I'm trying to stay around 1200 calories a day.  If I can keep my meals under 300 calories, I can stay on track.
I had 3 birthdays in my immediate family to celebrate.  That was 3 cakes.  Yummy....cake. So I allowed myself a couple of bites of each of the cakes.  I also found that there are mini cupcakes that are only 90 calories.  After I ate one I noticed that I started to feel depressed an hour later.  After another hour the depression passed.  I want to look into studies to see what the link is between sugar and depression.
Anyway, I've lost 13 pounds so far.  I'm learning more tips that I will put on my blog as I try them out.  But overall, my emotional health is doing better.  All of the other stressers are still in my life, but cutting down the sugar has really helped.