I wish I could stop this roller coaster and get off! The up and down yo-yo that is my "dieting" life is annoying. I try not to say I am on a diet anymore, just eating better and getting into shape. At one point in my life I weighed in at just over 300lbs. It wasn't until I saw a picture of myself standing next to my always thin and in shape brother and sister that I even realized how big I was. I had always just made excuses about why I had to buy bigger clothes, like they shrunk in the wash or that particular store was just running their sizes smaller than others. I eventually managed to lose 110lbs and get down to about 190 before getting pregnant. It was a horrible pregnancy that kept me off my feet most of the time and with that came depression and over eating. I found myself about 60lbs heavier. Slowly over the coarse of about 4 yrs I lost some of the weight but not alot. Then all of a sudden one day I got lucky and the motivation fairy slapped me across the face and I put my butt in gear. I started eating healthy and was working out 5-6 days a week. I dropped a ton of weight, was down to 175, the lowest I had been since I was probably 17 or 18. I felt great, no amazing. Not just on the outside but on the inside as well.
Now here I am up 50 lbs from that and quite honestly it depresses me. I know how I got here but then again I don't. I know I want to get back to that and I know how to do it but I just can't. I know that I can do it but I don't know how to. Not only is my weight up and down like a roller coaster but mentally and emotionally I'm getting sea sick. I sure do wish that motivation fairy would could back and slap me in the face again!!
