Journey to my first Figure Competition

Fitclickers, I'm Heidi. I am a 43 year young bodybuilding hopeful who struggles on a daily basis with making the right diet choices. I am a recovered alcoholic of 5 years. If anyone knows anything about alcoholism, you know that not only was I addicted to the effects that alcohol produced, but also the sugar that alcohol is mostly made up of. I still crave sugar, just not in the form of alcohol, and it is a daily battle! I am training for my first bodybuilding competition, which is in May. It's a long way off you could say, but to me it is tomorrow! I don't know how to get a grip on this horrible nightmare I call the "Sugar Monster!" Also, I am not in a position in my life to hire a trainer or a nutritionist so I am doing a lot of research on this subject on my own. I know for a fact that if I want my muscles to be revealed in all their "hard ass work" glory, I have to seriously limit my sugar intake and monitor all proteins, fats, and carbs that enter my body. It is exhausting trying to figure it all out! I love to lift weights, for me that is the easy part! So let me tell you what I had for breakfast and how I screwed up my day of limited carbs before noon! I always start out great. I eat either scrambled egg whites with veggies in them or oatmeal with flax and bananas, or sometimes both if I know I will have a particularly hard workout day. So today I had 4 egg whites with one yoke, scrambled with mushrooms and broccoli. Great right? Yes great. Until about an hour later when the carb crave hit me and I just happened to have a quarter bag of cinnamon chips in my cabinet. Where are they now? LOL Of course! So lesson one for me is to not have any food that is on the fence, so to speak, in my house! I cannot control myself! That just ignited the spark, and I am seriously having visions of chocolate peanut butter ice cream in my future! That's how it works for me. It is vicious and unforgiving to say the least. That is why I call it a battle, because it soooo is. I will fight this monster for the remainder of my day. What my friends in the bodybuilding world tell me is to forgive myself, don't beat me up, and make better choices for the rest of my day. OK, I always say I will try, most days I am pretty successful, but I have those days where the monster wins and it brings me back. I said I was an alcoholic and I am, a recovered one, but I am still an addict! I learned to comfort myself with something on my outside, instead of turning within for that comfort. I have God in my life today and He is my strength. When I kick myself for a slip up He reminds me I am human and fallible and that I can start over at any moment. I am going to get in the shower now and get my day started, thank you for listening and I will be back soon Heidi