I am going to do this!!

So I weighed in today like I have been doing about once a month.  I consider my weigh in when I take all my measurements and my weight.  I weigh myself often. Because I am self concious about my weight.  I don't like my weight, and I have been telling myself that I need to lose weight for over a year now.  I have lost some.  Since I started this I have kept off 20 pounds.  But the problem is that I have lost 30,  but I keep gaining back those 10 pounds.  And its not like i only want to lose 30 lbs, but right now I am struggling to keep my weight down.  I feel like every week I am at a different weight, but none of them are the weight that I know I have been at.  My goal weight is 180, or less.  180 is where my BMI is healthy and charts have showed that I am supposed to be at for my height.  I am not going to complain if I look and feel healthy and I am a little over 180.  That is all I really want.  I just want to be healthy.  I am tired of getting looked down upon, or my mother saying rude comments to me.  I love my mother dearly, but when she tells me I have to do something to fit into a dress, it hurts.  She should know how  I feel.  And I don't feel like she cares.  There have been multiple times where she has said we should go walking together, and I am thrilled, but then she doesn't follow through with it, and starts saying things that hurt me. 

I have tried this by myself, but I just need support behind me. I need to know that someone is going to be proud of me for doing this. I would love it if I had someone to walk with, or exercise with.  But I don't know if that will happen.. But even if I am alone in this, I know I can do it!