Fit and 40

Here I go again. Tomorrow I start getting my body back. I know how good I look and feel when I am thin and healthy...why can't I stick to it? I have been eating so much candy, cookies, sugar and chocolate that I have the permanent jitters right now. I am shaky on the inside....it's weird and doesn't seem normal. So back onto counting calories, working out and making good choices. I know that I can do it.

Well I have blown it....and my weight is suffering for my lack of willpower. I suck. Why cant I do this for longer than a week? A week ago I was feeling so strong, committed and felt like I could do this for the long haul and meet my goal.....now I'm going backwards and feeling horrible about it. The worse I make myself feel about it, the less I care and the more cookie dough I eat. It's a vicious cycle. I have got to get back on track...I was feling so good about myself just a few days ag...

I had to fight, and I mean fight...to resist just one piece of chocolate today.....but I did it!!!! I just did a little self-talk, and told myself that " that one piece would lead to a whole bag" and that I have worked way too hard to disappoint myself that way now! But I am sticking to it....I have to...it's sooo hard but I want to feel and look good again.

I think I have finally gotten mad enough at myself for gaining 20 pounds since August!!! I was feeling so good over the summer and then my son started peewee tackle football which took over our life! And to top it off my husband started working nights...so the kids and I ate a lot of fast food on the way home from football practice!! And our regular trips to the Y for workouts came to an abrupt halt! I refuse to look the way that I do now. I got an iPad for Xmas as a surprise from my husband...