Reborn

I guess now is as good a time as any to do a 100 day challenge... So... saw my ex today, stuff happened... I have no will power.... I wanted it.... but it felt empty... I can't have casual sex with him.... I flip between feeling nothing to imense love..... I don't know what to do with my life... I should cut him off completely....... but I love being in his arms so much..... I love him........ or do I love the security.... I just know even after 4 years my heart still melts when he

I've felt very lonely lately.... the type of lonliness I used to feel before "dating." While we are not dating we are still technically seeing eachother.... It's been difficult because I had spent less time with him. I refuse to do things for him. I don't do family stuff any more, I don't stay over... Our sex life is pretty much gone..... I've been missing that a lot...... more so than the sex.... the intimacy.... and the thought of being with him but not havi

So it's day 73 and I have not thought about the 100 day challenge in a while. So, any way I am losing again thanks to being off my period and my endo spell trying to calm down. I also have a job. It's pretty crazy. I finished my second day of orientation. I work tomorrow and i pray things go well.

                  I really feel my life moving forward. I'm getting in shape, I got thi

So it's day 46 this 100 day challenge has been slow.. I am not sure if it's because I am lazy or because I am getting closer to my goal. I do need to walk more... I feel the job at walmart will help....

             My stupid computer crashed btw. It's so annoying.... I am going to lose everything... Including the weight loss pictures..... I feel heart broken over that... I have worked so hard and I loved lo

So it's been 43 days. I have lost 10.5 pounds since the beginning of this 100 day challenge. Not bad but I would love to lose more in 43 days. Time up up the anty. Anyway... I've just been thinking a lot lately... I have a friend, "Aaron" and he has been avicted. I have another friend "Conner"  with a room for rent. "Aaron" is a recovering alchoholic without any real help (which I pray he gets.) "Conner" has changed his live over the las

I lost a pound yesterday. I was happy about that. I was a little lazy exercise wise yeserday so I lost nothing today. I will work harder today.

            So, anyway.... I guess I'm just realizing some central people in my life are real downers...Two constanly make me depressed with their depressing lives... The other is afraid of everything so he does not try.

I guess i forgot about this challenge. I have been too busy.... and just really depressed. I don't have money for my supplements so I feel ill... I've gained a couple of pounds... The depression from the break up has been complicated by the fact I don't feel there is any one I can truly talk to... plus I still see him too often... we have not told anyone.... I think I'm going to break ties with him for a bit and then see if he makes improvments. I feel the strain of being w

           Today I did what I have been dreading forever..... I broke up with my boyfriend...It really hurts.... It was just something that needed to be done other wise I would not be able to move forward....I am giving him a chance to get his act together but for now I am single....

          I never wanted to let him go.... we've been together for so long.... More than anything I

I am starting another 100 day challenge... So it'sday 1... Honestly I feel tired and sad. It's hot out....and I'm struggling emotionally...  I hate the idea that slowly my relationship is desolving. It's like something is dying... Something I have loved for so long... a dream.... but I am hoping a new dream grows and replaces it.... I do love him..... so much.... However I am growing and I have discovered love does not conquare all.....

Only two more days left of this 100 day challenge. I really can't believe how fast these 100 days have just flown by. I remember when I started. I was extremely broken. I knew I could do this but I didn't know how I was going to do it. The goal seemed so great... At that point I had almost 100 pounds to lose... I felt I was losing my boy friend and I really didn&#